The image above was taken in 1933 and is the last known photograph of one of my favorite animals, Thylacinus cynocephalus.
How many of you know of the Thylacine? Perhaps more commonly known as the Tasmanian Wolf or to a lesser extent, the Tasmanian Tiger. Hunted to extinction by farmers, the Thylacine is a now (believed to be) extinct SUPER AWESOME ANIMAL.
Why so awesome? I’m glad you asked. May I present to you:
TOP 5 MOST SUPER AWESOME THINGS ABOUT THE SUPER AWESOME THYLACINE
5. LARGEST KNOWN CARNIVOROUS MARSUPIAL
That’s right, this bad boy was an APEX PREDATOR, meaning that besides the encroachment of humans and their domesticated dogs, it is a badass with no other predators of its own.
That’s right, top-of-the-mother upping- food chain, bitches.
4. JAW POWER. RAW, JAW POWER. REAL RAW JAW POWER.
The Thylacine was able to open its jaws a full 120 degrees.
Keep in mind, a snake can open its jaw 150 degrees while humans average around 45 degrees.
3. Great Figure
Nocturnal, razor sharp teeth, powerful jaws, raised heels, stunning stripes. Similar to canines but oh-so-different, the Thylacine was as intelligent as it was unique.
Similar to a Kangaroo, the Tasmanian Wolf had a thick tail that stiffly extended from the body. Early settlers even compared it to a hyena, mainly due to the powerful, strange stance. However, it wasn’t a hyena, was it?
No. It was too crazy awesome to be compared to dat ugly mess. I don’t have the citation off-hand to support this, but I believe the first name proposed for this wicked beast was “Bad Ass Jungle Killer.”
I’m at a loss for why it didn’t stick.
Although the Tasmanian Wolf would have become severely endangered to mainland Australia over 2,000 years ago, the Dingo wouldn’t have given this “striped delight” (that is what I liked to call them) too much trouble. The Thylacine had a more powerful build, giving it a strong advantage in one-on-one encounters.
2. CAVE ART
You like caves? Yeah, you do, you dirty cave lover. Well, the Thylacine be ALL UP CAVES, yo.
Seriously. Like, tons of engravings and wall paintings have been found. Like, millions. Some of them are really old too. Like, 100 billion years old or something.
Don’t believe me? My friend Rodney didn’t believe me, so I fed him to my dinosaur. TRUTH.
And don’t be coming around here saying that it is an armadillo either…
You know that ain’t no armadillo.
1. Just like Bigfoot, Except, Y’know…Real.
You might as well call these bad boys Batman, ‘cause they are nocturnal and fight crime. (Citation needed). To this day, there are many sightings of the Thylacine in Tasmania and Western Australia. Even Ted Turner tried to get in the game, offering a $100,000 reward for proof of the continued existence of the Thylacine. Rumor has it, that drinking the blood of a living Thylacine causes AWESOMENESS.
There is even a cloning project in the works. So be careful. The Thylacine are coming…
And. They. Are. Angry.
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